The resources I had were very limited. I wanted something that could relate to me. Validate the emotions, the thought processes I was going through, but none ever hit. The movies or shows that depicted what I went through – was going through – were horror movies, true crime or thrillers. None so comforting. Majority were factual studies, crisis centres that didn’t explain how to cope emotionally, mentally, psychologically or even spiritually – they only redirected me to getting help from other resources. It was an endless cycle. But it was either seek professional help from people that probably only studied the experience and had never actually lived it, pay for decent resources or opt. for something widely available and given for free: suffer in silence.

I was as young as 10 years old going through some trauma, abuse and bullying – I had no money. I barely had the internet. But I relied heavily on songs and some movies. Then as I grew older and found a passion for reading and writing, I discovered poetry. I didn’t discover self-help or self-developing books until I reached mid 20s. Most of the toughest experiences I had were from early adolescent years. But still there wasn’t very many that I could get my hands on that I felt truly resonated in my core. None that could make my chest take a deep breath and breathe out a sigh of relief and feel a sense of calm that was felt from the top of my body that would travel all the way down to my feet – releasing all sorts of tension (I found this is how you know if something hits you to your core – you feel it in your heart and brings a sense of peace throughout your body).

Now all grown up, with money and with modern day evolving there was actually a lot more available now. However, still none that could hit my core as I progressed in trying to cope with my life experience. I wasn’t even trying to heal yet. I just wanted to cope. I wanted to read something and see someone else on this Earth, is going through the exact same thing, I’m not alone.